Oct 23, 2006

MMO Gnome. Act One. A pathetic beginning.

[Excellent comic thingy to the left ripped off from the rather hilarious excellent-comic-thingy producing GUComics.com]

I've always loved Mr. Hill's quite excellent and rather funny Neverquest features. I enjoyed his amazing Second Life pimping R2-D2 story and his magical lute and a threesome adventure that much, that I actually decided to give MMO gaming a try. Always being a cheap(-ish) gnome and easily scared of the infamous World of Warcraft forums I decided to start off easily.

Start off with a free version of Anarchy Online.

Apparently a bad idea. The interface was a complicated mess, the pdf manual rather confusing, the graphics shite, and the rather interesting game world was populated by people ready to point out the obvious truth I was a newbie. My desire to be sarcastic simply went unnoticed and after 5 long and painful hours and 2 pretty unsuccessful sessions I wisely decided to quit. How newbie-ish of me, really.

Then, Star Wars Galaxies came along offering a nice 14-day free trial without asking for my fiercely guarded credit card details. I decided to really try and show some understanding this time. Try to be a serious and devoted player. Thus, I showed ueber-human patience while the game went on and downloaded itself and its humongous patches for ages (that's an almost 2 Giga monster), and was gracious in granting it the 4+ Gigas it demanded from my already crammed hard-drive. I even spent one whole hour creating my old, short, wrinkled, skinny, rogue-ish, ugly and very very agile online persona: Gnomie Freeware. Then I got through a tutorial stage that while teaching me that the WASD keys are used for moving and that "J" surprisingly brings up the Journal screen, decided to ignore pretty crucial stuff like using special abilities or the subtleties of leveling up.

Standard Star Wars action I suppose.

Still, I persevered. I reached level 6 after completing ten different missions that required I destroyed (in a horrible FPSy manner) some malfunctioning droids in order to obtain such diverse items as star-ship upgrades, extra droid components and CPU parts. Then I duly killed some rats (yes, space-rats), tried a few fetch-quests and finally left the rather bland newbie training place for the lush desert surroundings of Mos Eisley.

Tehehe... (via)

Not feeling the excitement of actually being in such a famed place just yet, both I and my avatar tried amusing ourselves by struggling to not get lost and exploring this familiar looking place. We tried to act all friendly and charismatic. Went as far as helping a guy posing as a Sexy Jedi Lady (the heresy was almost unbearable) survive a Storm Troopers assault and after being properly thanked, we humbly asked for a few tips and got a nice stfu for an answer. Pity. Seemed like a fine staff-wielding lass. And I was bored already...

Presumably, so are you dear reader. So, to cut a long story short, the experience of actually being Gnomie Freeware in the Star Wars universe never really took off. Didn't even exhaust my 14-day trial. Oh, sod it, guess I never wanted to be a Han Solo look-alike in a rude galaxy far far away. All I ever wanted was a Second Life... Or a bit of Warhammer action...

Un-related @ Gnome's Lair: Darth on Darth, Star Wars in ascii, Ninja Loves Pirate: the Interview, Wik

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  1. I recommend you pretty small and free MMORPG named Egg's Ultima Online (EUO). I have tried few online games and this is the one I enjoyed most. http://swut.net/euo/

  2. Hmm... very interesting... And it IS Ultima based (and free)... I'll check it out and let you know.

    Thanks mikeful!

  3. ...now i'm sad.... I mean if Gnomie cant' fit into the online mmo scene, what chance has an old person... sniff!.... wheres the staff wielding transvestite that told you to stfu i'll decapitate him.....erm her!

    (takes out laser sword.....)


  4. Put it this way - at least it wasn't World of Warcraft!

    I need my fill of the Gnome!

  5. Yes, but stfu? I mean, that was nasty... Plain nasty... Wept for days... Still, I will look into more of that MMO stuff and see what might suit you dear Elderly.

    Well, Tom, not WoW.. not yet at least... ;)

  6. Great post, Gnome! The fact that I eschew MMOs receives yet more vindication...

  7. You've been most wise in the ways of the MMOs dear (bloodthirsty but glorius) possum... Most wise, indeed...

  8. .....so are we decapitating the guy/girl or not .... i'ts only my batteris are running low...


  9. Sure, sure kill the transvestite rude guy... And then let's go try this nice free Ultima based thingy...

    Oh, here are a few back-up batteries...

  10. (stores batteries in Star Trek collectibles battery storing case...)

    thanks Gnome


    head rolls across floor

    ...erm... maybe i should have asked this first..... but what does the guy look like again?

  11. Oh....err... all robed, wielding a stuff, crudely female, 90s style 3d.... Uhm... Sod it. Kill 'em all...

  12. More class and hilarious posting from the Gnome! God I love this blog! Keep on keeping on Gnome!
    BTW, deitrix has added me to the saga... I love this community!!!
    Off to check the Elderly...

  13. Thanks a lot dearest of krishnas!

    Oh, and I've been quite aware of your Deitrix related presence :)

  14. 'i'm so excited and i just can't hide it...'

  15. i recommend Runes of Magic